My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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