Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All the doctor said was why
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
