you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
