shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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