Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
