Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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