9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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