I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
