Your mouth is God's brothel.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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