Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
