so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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