what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
