Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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