never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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