I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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