i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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