Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize