Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
