oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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