all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
