Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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