I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
