Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
did i walk over a car last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
