could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
