and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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