I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize