you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
