At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
