his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
