allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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