we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
