I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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