I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
