My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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