i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
