So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
