The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
