Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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