Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize