there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
