how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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