I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We left an ass print on the piano.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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