I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
