So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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