just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
