i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My ass is underappreciated
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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