My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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