Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
