i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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