"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
