are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
