I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
