i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
