I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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