I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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