I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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