I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize