He told me they were just razor bumps!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
