You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
