Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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