If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
