I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
