woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
