I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
