the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
