WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
