i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
