Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
