so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
