I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
