Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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