I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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