i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
