His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
