I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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