When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
