I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
